A Homage To 007. Of Sorts.

As the clock struck 0.07 hours on Friday 6^th Oct 2012,, the new Bond theme was released to mixed reviews. It was called a lot of things from a poor man's Shirley Bassey to a poor imitation of Sheryl Crow to a modern day masterpiece. On a personal note, it is what it is cause of that immensely talented phenomenon we all know as Adele. What no one noticed that the world's favorite secret agent celebrated a rather mellow 50th birthday.

Penned by Ian Fleming in the late fifties and adapted to the screen in 1962, Bond has been one of the few things that link the generation of today with that of yesterdays. To pay homage to 007 is no small task. A film career spanning 23 movies, 6 different Bonds(one would like to forget Lazenby, but that cannot be the case. Personally, I thought Moore was worse.), girls, themes, villains, and many more, James Bond has slowly become an integral part of our movie going experience.

My first run-in with Messers Bond was when I was seven having just watched Goldeneye(Rest assured, my mum had my eyes covered whenever Xenia Onatopp showed up on screen) and I was transfixed. This was the guy every kid has ever wanted to be. Be it his gadgets, his women or even his suave, James Bond has been the perfect example of the Alpha Male of today.

And so began my Bond adventure. Tomorrow Never Dies followed. Soon after that was The World Is Not Enough. And so on. During the phase, I went back to the Bonds of old, the ones that had left an everlasting impression on our parents.

From the suave and swagger of Sean Connery to the physicality of Daniel Craig, Bond has evolved since his induction into our world five decades ago. From destroying the villain and saving the world (girl in tow) without breaking into a sweat to being what one would call almost thuggish, brooding and impulsive, Bond has done a Benjamin Button in terms of his mannerisms, something that the majority of audience around the world have come to appreciate.

But we mustn’t forget about the others who’ve contributed siginificantly to his part. George Lazenby, the only other actor not from the British Isles to play 007, was critically applauded for his performance. However, ‘On Her Majesty’s Secret Service tanked severely at the box office, he had a run-in with the producers and promptly stated that he wouldn’t return to play the character ever again, which sent his career spiraling. Connery was brought back a second time before quitting for good and passing on the mantle to his successor, Roger Moore. Under Moore, the series saw a good share of its ups and downs. By the time, ‘A View To A Kill’ was released, Moore was pushing sixty plus and was literally quite pushing it. His movements were lazy, his delivery had gotten pathetic and the man who’d turned Bond into an almost comical character was now making a mockery of the role. The Studio Bosses intervened, Moore was sacked and Timothy Dalton was brought in for what would be the final two feature films for more than a decade, before quitting despite having signed a six film contract with EON. The series later resumed with Pierce Brosnan taking over the role and receiving a lot of acclaim for his portrayal. Brosnan was both enigmatic and thuggish and under him the series went through its most successful phase starting with Goldeneye all the way up to the critically panned Die Another Day. Bond went on a hiatus again for four years returning with Casino Royale with a different James Bond in Daniel Craig, much to the intial annoyance of Brosnan who later went onto declare that he (Craig) was the best Bond in the history of the franchise. Casino Royale was a commercial and a critical success that brought fame and glory to Craig. He also happened to be the only Bond since Connery to not have his career stall whilst playing the famed Mi6 agent, landing films like ‘The Adventures Of Tintin’, ‘The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo’ and so on and so forth. He returned for the mildly entertaining ‘Quantum Of Solace’ and is set once again to reprise his role in ’Skyfall’ which is out this November.

It isn’t always the actor that defines a James Bond movie. There is a lot more to it than just that. The themes , for instance. Ever since ‘Goldfinger’(1964), every Bond movie barring ‘On Her Majesty’s Secret Service’ has had an opening theme song played to the backdrop of silouhettes of naked girls and guns, a  tradition that has been carried on till today. From Shirley Bassey to Nancy Sinatra, From Duran Duran to A-ha, from Sheryl Crow to various contempary artistes such as Madonna(touted to be the worst opening theme song in the history of the franchise), Chris Cornell, Alicia Keys & Jack White to Adele, the series boasts of a number of talented performers lending their voices to the opening sequences, each having their own separate fanbase. This is one tradition that seems highly unlikely to be broken any time soon.

Which brings us to the women. Many will say that their only purpose in the movie is to serve as eye candy. However characters such as Pussy Galore (Goldfinger), Elektra King( The World Is Not Enough) to Vesper Lynd(Casino Royale) have all shown that they aren’t afraid to get their hands dirty. All these characters have created their own little niche in history, one that will not be overlooked or forgotten anytime soon. Not to forget Judi Dench   who some feel, was a better ‘M’as Bernard Lee ever was. However I must sing to the tune of the crowd and admit that Denise Richards is perhaps the worst of the lot. Those who have watched the World Is Not Enough will understand what I mean.

Sadly enough, one always forgets poor Mrs. Moneypenny.

The villains form a very integral part of Bond. They’ve been portrayed by a number of talented actors each delivering memorable performances.  Gert Frobe(Goldfinger), Christopher Lee(The Man With The Golden Gun),  Charles Grey(Diamonds Are Forever), etc have all left indelible marks on their respective works with their performances. In a recent poll, Frobe was adjudged as the Best Bond villain of all time for his portrayal  of Auric Goldfinger. There have also been a couple of highly erratic performances namely Toby Stephens as Gustav Graves from Die Another Day.

What would Bond be without his gadgets? Every Bond film has had its fair share of gadgets ranging from exploding pens to highly customized Aston Martins each designed by the ingenious Q,( portrayed by Desmond Llewelyn for the better half of four decades, John Cleese and more recently Ben Whishaw). These gadgets have always had a significant part to play in any of the films. They took a bit of a sabbatical in the Craig era, but judging by the promos of the latest film they seem to be making a comeback of sorts.

Be it financial crises or destroyed sets (Pinewood Studios), James Bond has seen it all and has somehow managed to stand his ground. He may not be around forever,  but as long as the world needs him, Britain’s top agent will always be there sitting at a Baccarat table, sipping on his Vodka Martini planning and waiting for his next adventure.

Bollywood: View From A Bin.

Bollywood has mutated since its inception into our world. What started off so promisingly in the earlier half of the twentieth century has now sunk to depths we didnt know existed. We dish out over 500 films a year, and only a good 20 of them are worth watching. 

But then again, can you blame the industry? They dish out and we accept.For example, an upcoming script writer approached an industry bigwig with a script he'd painstakingly written for the last two years. The producer gave one look at it and said, 'accha hai. Ek item number aur ek sex scene dalo, picture chalega(the concept is good. Just throw in a sex scene and a dance number and your movie will run).

For the better half of the decade now the industry has adopted the tactic of 'stars and sex sells'. Which is sadly true. There is no disrespect directed to the stars, but it's time they pulled their head out of the water and realize what they're doing.

You've got Akshay Kumar who does 4 movies a year on an average. Out of that one is barely tolerable while the others can only fairly be described as cringe worthy. You've got Salman Khan who's adopted the south Indian hero's role with aplomb and that has set the cash registers ringing and has caused his stock to rise simultaneously.  SRK who once was deemed untouchable seems to have lost that air of invincibility that has surrounded him for the better part of two decades. It started long before Ra.One was even conceived (revert back to OSO in 2007, I hated that movie) and Ra.one was just an eye opener to the world to see to what depths that the king has fallen. Aamir Khan does one maybe two films a year, but thanks to a brilliant marketing strategy, you realize you've been duped a good two months after you've viewed whatever body of work he's been in. (Read SMJ. Looked scripted right from the start.) you've got Ranbir Kapoor who with an exception here and there his movies are mainly with debutant actresses. He's a terrific actor no

Doubt  and his choice of films are refreshingly different for which i applaud him,but he's also extremely cunning. Majority of his movies are with people who can't act to save their lives(read Fakhri(my word, ducks could've played her role better ), Padmasee, Kapoor!, etc etc) who are so bad that they make him look the Daniel Day-Lewis of Bollywood. Which he isn't, but he's certainly one of the best we have. Thank you, Chintuji.

The problem lies not in the industry but on the public on whom it thrives. In a country like ours the crowd would rather watch a superstar beat up sixty thugs under a hundred and twenty seconds rather than w sit through a film that makes you sit down and think. For example take SLB. I was one of the few who actually thought Saawariya was worth a watch. Heck, I liked it better than OSO. It was horribly paced yes, but the art direction was top notch and the acting wasn't stupendously bad either. Maybe I'm a sucker for tragic movies but I enjoyed what I saw. Guzaarish was SLB showing the world they he was up there with the best when it comes to showcasing opulence on screen. But somewhere along the way he forgot that you need a story for the film to run. He was so obsessed with how beautiful he wanted his film to be, that he ended up dishing a beautiful but an utterly soulless film about a quadriplegic magician. The audience doesn't give two farts about art direction. They'd rather see buxom beauties shake their assets on screen with the hero gawking awkwardly. SLB sold out, produced Rowdy Rathore(another piece of crap from the Haus Of Kumar) and that ran into a 100 Crores worth of collections at the BO. Sad really.

Which brings me to award ceremonies. There was a time when these so called 'award shows' were telecast live. They're meant to be watched live. It's a completely different experience. Good performances were appreciated, good films were appreciated and the humor didn't really involve men dressed as transvestites or poking fun at the gay community. Take the Oscars for example or even the Globes. There isn't a single moment where you feel it's been scripted. For example two years ago, Ricky Gervais took to the stage at the Golden Globes and ripped into the who's who of hollywood without batting an eyelid. When it comes to our industry, we get a sliced, diced,

Coupled with ample sound and visual

Effects end product that we lap up without a care in the world. Honestly, we'd rather not watch Sonam Kapoor dancing pathetically on stage with soft light emitting from her lady parts. It's bad enough watching her act let alone dance. And how a movie like Housefull can win Best Picture is beyond me.  I've tried finding a reason to no avail.

Another sad fact is that directors who make good, thought provoking cinema are left in the lurch.  Only in an industry like ours can Anees Bazmee be more successful than a Sudhir Mishra or Rituparno Ghosh. The latter isn't exactly Bollywood, but you get my drift. For those of you who don't understand, it's like saying that the Farrelly Brothers are better than Martin Scorcese. (actually, the Farrelly Brothers shouldn't be compared to Bazmee. No one should be compared to Bazmee. The man is in a league of his own. I will never understand his mentality.)

For those of you who feel that I lean a lot more  to the Indian Cinema of old, I must correct you. All I mean to say, that back in the day,  the movies that were being churned out had a lot more interesting premises than the ones we have to deal with. You had Pyaasa, kaagaz ke phool,  Mughal-e-azam and even a comedy like Jaane Bhi Do Yaaron. These are all part of a wonderful collection of films, an era that we, as things stand will not ever be part of again. But then again, we've been on the decline since the mid eighties so we can't really blame the present crop of directors. It's time people woke up and realized that Bollywood isn't going to change for us. As long as our mentalities remain the same, people like Anees*#&(& Bazmee and Sajid Khan shall continue to rule and plunge our beloved industry further and further into the darkness to its impending doom.

P.S: how did Housefull win Best Picture?? How?? I need to know!

מָבוֹא (Prologue)

The sound of the German boots could be a heard a mile away. Noisily, in synchronization they approached the small town of Krakow like a hundred Grim Reapers, coming to collect their victims.

In the town, several Jewish families were stirring, awakened by the unexpected sound in the early hours of the morning.

Joshua Alon ran to the window, his little teddy bear hanging loosely from his hand, dragged across the floor. "Papa! Look soldiers! Is there a parade in town? Can we see it? Please Papa! I want to go!"

Shiloh Alon was a tall strapping man, his hair slowly fading from its once black sheen to crystal gray. He was part of the Brownstein Orchestra, where he played the violin. Cassandra, his wife and the love of his life was a tailor who worked at the yarn factory. They married in college, and 2 years later Joshua had come into their lives.

Shiloh approached the window, his eyes narrowed to try and see past the fog. Soon enough he could make out the silhouette of a battalion carrying a Swastika flag. His eyes widened and he bellowed. " CASSANDRA! They're here! Here- Take Joshua and go! We should've been prepared! The devil's army approaches. There's no time. You know where to go don't you?"

Cassandra nodded."Shiloh, what about you?? I can't just leave you behind! They'll take you away!"

"I'll stall them. I have to. GO! NOW!"

Cassandra grabbed Joshua and ran into the cellar. She pulled back the rug on the floor, to reveal a door in the ground. She pulled it open and slowly descended into the darkness. Joshua, all of eight stared in bewilderment but did not say anything. There was a loud bang and the sound of the door being thrown open. Cassandra put Joshua down and said "Listen. Do not make a sound. Bad people are coming and I don't want them to take you away. So you just stay here until Mameh comes back okay? Don't make a sound Joshua!" She smiled and jumped out onto the cellar, pulling the rug down again.

She couldn't have been a second too soon. The cellar door burst open, and three German officers stormed in, one of them holding a bloody Shiloh in his hand. There was a huge gash on his forehead and he was breathing heavily.

Cassandra screamed and ran towards the officers. One of them stepped forward and smacked her on her face, as she went flying across the room.

"NO!" Shiloh screamed, but the guard brought his boot into his ribcage and he collapsed onto the floor.

Meanwhile, Joshua was a little frightened and very confused . He didn't like being alone in the dark but he did as his Mameh had told him to. He kept quiet. He slowly moved down the dark passageway and he could hear sounds as the passageway started going upwards. From a small crack in the wall, he could see his Mameh and Papa lying on the floor while three big men were laughing uncontrollably. One of them slammed a boot into Shiloh's head and the three of them laughed even harder.

"Bring her to me." One of the officers said, pointing at Cassandra. The 2nd officer dragged Cassandra to the man, while she trembled. The big man strode up to her, took her face in her palm and said "You are indeed beautiful.I cannot afford to waste such beauty. You will work for me. You will clean my gardens, wash my laundry and satisfy all my desires whenever I require them to be satisfied."

Cassandra spat onto his face and swore in Hebrew.

The big man wiped the spit off his face and looked at her. And in one swift movement, his hand lashed across her cheek as she fell with a big thud onto the floor.

"You could've saved your life woman. But you made a big mistake. A big mistake. Now you will be entertainment for my guards." He laughed.

"NOO!" Shiloh screamed. The big officer promptly took out a revolver, pointed at Shiloh, and pulled the trigger.

There was a loud bang as Shiloh's body fell to the floor with a big THUD! Joshua covered his mouth to stop himself from screaming. Cassandra shrieked.

"Noo! Noo YOU! YOU BASTARDS! YOU WILL BURN IN THE FIRES-"

The guards pushed her to the ground as the remaining two converged on her, ripping apart her clothing. Joshua could hear his mother screaming for help, but none came, and he was too scared to move.

Suddenly, she stopped screaming. He could hear her panting, while the guards steadied themselves, tightening their trousers. The big man looked at her and said,"Pity."

There was another loud bang and Joshua couldn't hear his mother anymore. Her lifeless eyes stared at him, right through the wall as if she knew where he was. He could see tears rolling down her cheeks, as tears streamed down his as well.

"Well. Better get going," said the Big officer, and the trio slowly left the room, completely unaware that the son of the couple they had just killed was underground, weeping silently into his clothing.

Grumblestiltskin.

Well, College has begun, due to which we divert our attention to something else that catches our fantasy. Even though I haven't been true to my word, I've always been thinking on what I could possibly blog about. I thought I'd finally get down to writing the war story.

In other news, the Kings Speech sweeped the SAG two nights ago. The race for the Oscars is heating up.

Catch it on the 28th of February.

P.S :I do now work for the academy, this is merely me being ecstatic over it.

Now to the story.

Godspeed.

Movies, As I like It.

For the past few month's David Fincher's "The Social Network" has been slowly sneaking into countries and has been taking them by storm. As of November 12th, it found its way into India, and has the whole nation going gaga. A lot of people have already caught the movie before it found its way to Indian shores, via that Dvd Screener with that annoying yet temporary watermark.

A few have already started commenting that its oscar worthy and what not, but lets not forget its competitors shall we?

First of all this is not about who's going to take home the big golden bald man on that chilly February evening. This is what you could call a round up of all the movies that were actually worth its salt(No Pun intended there.) and also for my personal kicks, the ones people HATED.

Lets Begin Shall we?

First up.

Lets start with the social network. Now I'm not going to delve into the story cause people have already caught it and those who haven't , Wikipedia's your thing, man. The thing I liked about Social Network was the fact that it was a simple story, told brilliantly, We've seen tales of best friends stabbing each other in the back, tales of Plagiarism and teenage angst and the like. But what Fincher did was nothing short of remarkable, If you've noticed that all the courtroom scenes and the other ones are laced with electro-synth music and not your usual classical stuff. The Music gets the so called Younger Generation interested in what exactly is happening, and the elder generation in the Vermin hole, which we call the world of Corporates. Don't judge me here, but I'm saying that music DOES play a huge role in terms of storytelling. Not to mention Aaron Sorkin(who I believe makes a guest appearance as one of the New York Advertisers), who's brilliant screenplay carries the film.

I wouldn't be surprised if he walks away with Adapted Screenplay this year.

Next up we've got Inception.
If David Fincher thinks its going to be a cakewalk for him at all the Award nights, he's got another thing in the shape of Christopher Nolan coming at him.
If Fincher managed to put across a simple story in brilliant fashion, Nolan went one step ahead of him.

11 Years in writing, Inception is probably one of the most ingenious movies that Hollywood has churned out so far. After being overlooked for the brilliant The Dark Knight, Nolan returned with Inception. Whoever thought he couldn't better TDK, had to end up eating their words. Inception is not a people's movie.
Its more on the intellectual side, and when you do have a look at it you can see the effort that's been put into it. Not to mention some strong performances from DiCaprio and Gordon-Leviit(His performance is not oscar worthy man), and it grabs you by the balls and just doesn't let go until you've finally stepped out of the theater. They've been mixed reviews but if that shitball of a movie they call Avatar could win a Golden Globe for best picture, this has a very, very strong shot at the Oscar.


On the other side of the Atlantic, emerged a movie called "The King's Speech". Not many of you would've probably heard of it, but a friend of mine showed me its promos and I was just blown away. Directed by Tom Hooper, The King's Speech is about A chronicle of King George VI's effort to overcome his nervous stammer with the assistance of speech therapist Lionel Logue. A chronicle of King George VI's effort to overcome his nervous stammer with the assistance of speech therapist Lionel Logue. With a stellar cast including Geoffrey Rush, Helena Bonham Carter and Colin Firth, this one was a sure shot at the big one, and I believe still is.

Okay that's all for now.
I'll put up another five by tomorrow night.
And Deathly Hallows has an 84% On Rotten Tomatoes. Interesting.

Hey.

Hello.
It's been a while since I got down to blogging. The last time, I left a small number of people like you, hanging with that story I just couldn't get down to finishing. I passed on the baton to a friend, and he turned the whole thing upside down.

For the epic finale of that story, Check Shubham Gangopadhyay's notes On Facebook.

Due to new relationships, college, teenage angst and what not, I just could'nt get down to blogging again. Now I've decided to spend atleast an hour on this godforsaken interface every day, so I actually stay true to my word.

The Next story i'd planned to write requires a lot of research and an understanding of Hebrew and German. It'll probably take a while for me to get started on the story, so in the meantime, I've decided to go after, them movies, the ones I love , the ones I detest, the ones I detest so much that I love the fact that I detest them so much, and what not.

I'll probably start one, tonight and it should be up before the crack of dawn.



Its Good To Be Back.
Abhin.

Part 4- We're almost there. Well, almost.

It took me ten minutes to to get to malvika's house. In that span of time, I contemplated what the call was alll about. Did she fall again? Was she being robbed? Was there that wild possibility that she'd confess her feelings, and we'd end up making out? Or Did she watch RGV KI AAG and just couldnt get past the tripe she'd just seen, all alone?.

I brought the car to a halt outside Malvika's apartment, when that lousy watchman showed up like Batman from the shadows, scaring me half to death.
"Saar?", he coughed. It was obvious the nut had been drinking.
"Saar. No parking in front of the gate saar. Apartment rules. The madam, she will throw me out, if she finds out."
I didnt have time. What if Malvika was really in trouble??I had to hurry. And so, I decided to use the situation to my advantage.
"But kind sir, the car is parked twenty feet away from the gate. cant you see that?"
The watchman stared at my face and then at the car, for what seemed to be an age and went,"But of course sir! Forgive me, I am slightly off color, as you can see, huhuhuhuhuhuhuh", he laughed. If Micromaxx had cast this bugger instead of Akshay Kumar in their ad, they would've sold a lot more phones.

I dashed up the stairs and banged Malvika's door. After a minute she opened the door, looking all sullen and worried."What happened?", I said, completely out of breath.
She stared at me, for a whole minute,(I could feel her eyes pierce right through me) and said,"I want Ice Cream."

*******************************


For a moment or two, I had absolutely no clue what the hell was going on. She couldny even say "April Fools!", cause it was the middle of June, and it was pouring like hell.
"Ice Cream?? You woke me up at half past two, made me drive all the way here, to tell me that you want ICE CREAM?? Do I look like the guy in the hero honda ad?? No!! This is bloody crazy!!", I stated incredously.

"I know! I'm sorry! But , uh I had this craving, Oh this HUGE HUUGE craving for Ice cream and I wanted it so so badly, I didnt know whom to call, a-an-and I saw your number on the table, and just picked it up and gave you a call... What happened to you??", She stared.

Throughout her explanation, I hadnt said a word. Picture this. You have this super hot girl, standing in front of you, explaining how big a craving she has for chocolate, and suddenly, her tone changes. Drastically. (I know that I havent put up in the whole conversation, because its too long and too bloody inappropriate for children below the age of 14. But let me tell you this. There was lots and lots of moaning and groaning).

I snapped back to reality. "No, its nothing!", and for the second time in 10 hours , I found myself trying to change the topic to avoid embarrasment. "Well. there's no parlour open, at this time of the night, but there's the royal orchid just down the road, and I'm pretty sure its gotta 24 hour coffee shop. We could go there. If you like.", I added.


"Hmm. Okay. Lets head out."

We spent a good hour in the coffee shop, chitchatting away to glory. She was originally from Delhi, but she'd moved to Bangalore for her +2. And she decided to finish her undergrad here as well, and eventually ended up working as an AD in Nirvana films. I told her about my job, my boss and his obsession with the word(She laughed her heart out, but only after I told her what it meant.), about Nihal, and about dad, and how I'd inherited his trait of making an utter fool of one's self in front of girls. She laughed and said," haha. That is in a way, true. Was your dad worse than you?"
I scoffed."Worse? He thinks I'm ten times better than him! And from what've heard, I'm pretty sure I am. You know once, when my dad was still in college, this really funny thing happened which involved him, this girl and an umbrella....".

By the time we got back to her place, it was way way past four. The elevators were luckily functioning, so getting her back up wasnt too big a deal. I tucked her in, said my goodbyes and I was on my way once more.

A month just flew by. Malvika's condition improved. Neha got pregnant. Nihal was over the moon. Satty was still taking Narayan's case, and still barking "Shaata!", at everything that moved. I got to know Malvika a lot better, and we became really close. I'd visit her everyday and'd take her to the physio, every three days to check on her leg. She'd often laugh and say how lucky(wait for it) I was to have her. Which, to be quite honest, is true.

One Saturday morning I finally decided to tell her. Nihal came over and eased me through the situation. My nerves were past breaking point when the phone rang. Nihal answered. His eyes went wide. Without another word , he handed over the phone to me.
"Ello?"
"Hello??", I had an instant head rush, when I recognised Malvika's voice on the other line."Hello? Araan?? Listen, could you please come over for a bit? there's something, I want to talk to you about."

"You want an ice cream?"
She didnt laugh." No. Its something else. Meet me in half an hour or so. Bye." She put the phone down.

"So what'd she want?", Nihal asked curiously.
"She wants to meet me. Didnt say why. I'd better leave now. Sorry mate, but I'll have to leave you hanging just for a little longer. Bye.", and with that I was, gone.